This journey has shown me that the Lord works in mysterious ways. There is much that I don't understand, and heartache that can seem overpowering. However, when I take that deep breath and really try to feel Chloe as well as the Spirit of God, my heart is filled with peace and I am reminded He is there. God is truly in the details. There have been so very many Tender Mercies along the way that reveal His hand in our lives. It is to these that we cling as we try to make sense or find peace with this loss.
Some are simple..."the sun on our daughters face just one last time"..."One of Chloe's socks being found and returned from that day"..."my water bottle being constantly filled and not needing to ask"...simple Tender mercies. There were big ones as well..."Chloe coming back to fight for a couple more days so that her brother could enjoy his birthday for the rest of his life"..."only needing 30 minutes to rest my eyes in the rocking chair so that I could be completely present for my daughters last 61 1/2 hours on earth"..."my other children being loved and cared for physically and emotionally so that we could be where we needed and they would be safe"..."her stabilizing so that we could hold her, bathe her and massage her, one last time in preparation for her journey home."
All Tender Mercies from above, all sacred and cherished.
I know there were so many other details and little things that might have seemed like happenstance. But my heart tells me they truly are the hand of God. There are many of these such occurences that made the good possible on this hardest road. I know there are many that I may not know...probably little things that most people take for granted, a simple act of kindness, the passing on of information, a prompting that was followed.
I am asking that those of you who may know of even the littlest thing to please comment here. I want my children to be able to look back in 6 months, a year, whenever they need it and to be able to read these events. I want them to be able to look back and see the tangible evidence that God is there. That He knows them. That He is in the details of our lives.
Thank you for taking the time to share them.
Katie and Emma are in a play group together every other Friday afternoon. When this group started up, Katie was pleasantly surprised to find her old friend Emma from kindergarten music class days there, and was drawn to her. While they had never played together outside playgroup, Katie was always happy to see her on Fridays.
ReplyDeleteOn February 23, Katie asked to call Emma to see if she could play. We called. There was no answer. We didn't leave a message. We had no idea what was happening in your family. Perhaps we should have left a message so Emma at least knew she was thought of.
I remember the day Katie came home and told me she got to meet Chloe. She felt so honored. It seems to be a theme where your family is concerned. Hopefully, she'll know when she needs to call again... and we'll leave a message next time.
I had a small and simple tender mercy that I felt yesterday at the celebration. I did not get to know Chloe as well as I would have liked to. When I heard about her news on the 20th I wanted to do something that would honor Chloe and grieve with your family. I like to post pictures on Instagram for friends and family. I chose not to post any until after Chloe was buried. On the day of her celebration, I had precious moments when Caden was asleep where I could read my scriptures and write in my journal. I went up to my bedroom and as I read and wrote I kept looking outside my window and pausing to enjoy my dwarf nectarine tree that was in peak bloom. The bright pink blossoms were so beautiful to me. I wrote about how Chloe's celebration was today. I had an urge to take a picture of the tree and post to share but it wasn't after her burial. I had a feeling that it was okay and maybe even a good day to share it. So I did. Then when I heard Melissa speak about her bare nectarine tree that was just beginning to blossom I felt a connection to Chloe. I didn't know Melissa had a nectarine tree. And when she spoke of Chloe's name meaning blossom, I felt that the nectarine blossoms were a tender mercy given to me by Chloe - even though I did not know her well, she thought of me. Thank you Chloe.
ReplyDeleteEverywhere I go lately Chloe's sweet spirit seems to follow. Her "theme songs" can be heard in places so often and it fills me with emotion and love for sweet Chloe Jane. She is truly a blessing and example for everyone around her. I'm sure she's surrounding by angels and sending her love to all of you!
ReplyDelete